The What GeorgeLucas didn't want you to see Series
by Eilarran
Summary: A collection of short ficlets with the most disturbing pairings, guaranteed to leave you permanently traumatised and mentally scarred forever. Possibilities are endless...Enter at your own risk. You have been warned.
1. Irresistible

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**Dedicated to my friend and bitch, Mathematica. **

**(She asked for a ficlet with an "unusual pairing". There is a reason I am single.)**

**And yes, this **_**is**_** HanJabba. Otherwise known as Habba.**

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**Irresistible**

_A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…_

_Han Solo was about to discover a whole new meaning of ''relationship troubles''._

_When confronted with a new mission from two hapless Jedi-wannabes, what __**does**__ go on in the two missing hours before their timely escape from Imperial search troops? Warning: contains content that may disturb galactic citizens, Jedi Knights, Sith Lords, Jar-Jar Binks and a droid. You have been warned._

Han was sweating.

He could feel Jabba's eyes on him, riding up and down his modestly exposed torso. Why of all days had he chosen his 'lucky' ripped shirt to wear today?

''Ahh, Solo.'' Jabba crooned in Huttese. ''I knew you would come''

''Uhh…you did?'' Han regarded him quizzically. ''Listen, about the money-''

''Lets not worry about that now.'' Jabba purred, sliding closer to Han who was embarking on a slow and steady venture of inching away towards the exit. ''You know, it doesn't always have to be this way…for us.''

''…What do you mean?''_._

''Oh, I do love it when you are so…deliciously clueless…'' Jabba licked his grotesquely large lips in a manner he was hoping to be appealing. Han issued an audible gulp and almost tripped over Jabba's meaty tail which was working its way around his feet as he spoke.

''Wh-why don't we, err, talk about this s-some other time, maybe?'' Han whimpered as Jabba's rolls of flesh enclosed him in a tight embrace. He was so close, he could smell his aftershave.

''Ahh Solo, don't be like that. You know you want it just as much as I do…'' Jabba teased in his velvety growl as Han's reply was lost in a high pitched string of gibberish and the scene faded to black…

_-insert scenic interlude and Whitney Houston music here-_

An hour and half later, Han resurfaced from the heap of persperating flesh, clinging to the air with each shuddering breath.

Finally, the consequences of his action dawned upon him…

''Argh not _again_-''

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	2. A Sexy Deal

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**A Sexy Deal**

_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…_

_Jedi Knight Obi Wan Kenobi was in a bit of a pickle._

_He made an unsuccessful venture to infiltrate the Trade Federation base in Geonosis and was currently trapped in an anti-gravitational prison, rotating slowly like a joint of meat on a spit whilst contemplating the mess he was in._

Suddenly, the doors slid open and Obi Wan rolled his eyes at the man now standing before him. Just his luck.

''So, we meet again, _old friend_.'' Count Dooku smiled taking a step closer to his prey. ''How the tables have turned. The irony is almost…delicious, wouldn't you say?''

''What do you want?'' Obi Wan sighed impatiently. He knew there was only one way out of this and he was certainly NOT going to think about it. He liked to think that he had more dignity than that.

''Ahh, I think you may have come to suspect what I…had in mind'' Dooku was drawing uncomfortably closer, making Obi Wan wince in anticipation.

''If you think you are going to make me talk, you are sadly mistaken.'' The Jedi spoke defiantly, ignoring his increasing palpitations as the distance between him and the Sith Lord was swiftly running out.

''Join me.'' Dooku whispered. ''It is not too late.''

''Never!''

''Very well then.'' Dooku smirked and turned his back on him. ''I suppose, I will have to leave you here to rot…indefinitely of course.'' He was inches away from the exit when suddenly-

''W-Wait!''

Dooku froze.

''I'll do it. I'll do anything you want. Just let me go!'' Obi Wan's voice was shaking with resignation.

''Anything?'' Dooku turned around, a manic grin spreading on his sullen features.

''I have a bad feeling about this…''

_Some time later…_

''Are the handcuffs really necessary-?''

''Yes.''

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	3. Initiation

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**Initiation**

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_A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…_

_Jar Jar Binks found himself standing alone in the Chancellor's office, nervously awaiting what he thought would be a reprimand from Palpatine for his brief, yet sadly inadequate Senator duties. _

'Ah, why hello there Senator Binks'' The Chancellor strode into the room, looking as complacent as ever. ''Do take a seat''

The Gungan awkwardly complied and proceeded fidgeting with his fingers.

''Now, you do realise why you have been summoned here, do you not?''

''Mesa not know!'' Jar Jar shot up form the seat and declared in his obnoxiously loud voice. ''Mesa thinks mesa did a bad bad thing. Is mesa being punished?''

''Oh, err…'' Palpatine licked his lips longingly. ''No, no…of course not. Why would you assume such a thing?'' He moved his chair forward as Jar Jar let out a vociferous sigh of relief.

''But…err…'' The old man eyed up the Gungan hungrily. ''This is still a matter of business.'' He stood up and began pacing the room, occasionally glancing lustfully at his guest.

''You see…'' And there the Chancellor stopped right in front of him. ''There is a certain … initiation required in order to become a fully fledged member of the Senate.''

''Ooh? What is it?'' Jar Jar Binks asked apprehensively, issuing an audible gulp as Palpatine's figure loomed over his triumphantly. The Chacellor's eyes were glinting.

''Bend over.''

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	4. In the dark, no one can hear you scream

**A.N - After I have done all the pairings on my ''naughty list'', I will start accepting your challenges/suggestions. **

**So stay tuned for your chance to really make someone's day :D**

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**In the dark, no one can hear you scream…**

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_A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…_

_Luke was about to enter his private chambers on the Rebel base of Hoth in anticipation of some well-earned rest, but finding the lights were off…_

''Heey! Who cut the power?'' Luke whined in aggravation and dropped his gear on the ground with unnecessary force. ''Just great…''

Here he was, exhausted from his mission, and denied the meagre luxury of relaxation time that he had promised himself over and over again on his flight back-

Suddenly, the door behind him closed and he was completely submerged in the darkness.

''What the-?''

He immediately felt a presence behind him.

''Who's there?'' Luke enquired cautiously.

The figure moved closer and the young Jedi trembled, sweat beads forming on his brow despite the obvious low temperatures.

''Is it…you Leia?'' He whimpered hopefully, feeling a pair of arms encircle his waist. ''Woah, Leia…you've really err- let your hair down…'' Luke spoke as the fur of the unfamiliar limbs brushed past his skin.

The figure emitted a gentle low pitched growl.

The Jedi gulped.

''Listen umm- Leia…I like you and everything but…err…this just doesn't really feel very right…'' He burbled semi-coherently, sensing the hot breath on his neck and the increasing palpitations of his own heart. ''I think we should just- just take it slow for now, you know? Let's not rush into anything ye-''

He froze.

''Wait a minute! I know that smell…''

The realisation finally dawned upon him

''Is that you ChewbaccaAARGGHH-!?!!''

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End file.
